My Safari Exploits… A Jungle Journey

A few days ago I scoured the mountains surrounding Asheville, North Carolina on safari. Passing by lumbering black bears and the garbage-fattened raccoons, my quarry remained elusive. How could this be in the United States?

The places my quarry always dwelled were void of its presence, without a hint of its flushing past. Yes, the shelves were empty and no toilet paper could be found.

The lack of toilet paper raised numerous questions. What suddenly changed? Did we have a reduction in imports such that supply disappeared? Surely, there was some Charmin (or any brand) somewhere. Were we having an increase in diarrhea from altered eating habits while quarantined?

Certainly the demand for toilet paper had gone up. “TP” was disappearing faster from the shelves than it could go down the toilet! Covid-19 was identified as the culprit as people became fearful of running out in case they had the runs!

On social media platforms, toilet paper was becoming the “butt” of memes. A few are pictured in this story. The world was changing for Americans who were told to stay at home… no more using the free TP in Harris Teeter’s or Bojangles’ restrooms. They were locked tight, closed for the duration of the virus.

Was it possible that “social distancing” had more than one motivation and could have been related to the scarcity of toilet tissue… hmmmm.

People began Zooming and the TP demand went down at work and schools. “Can you spare a square?” once a Sienfield sketch, became a vital part of life. The shift to home demand for the coveted, precious white squares went up dramatically.

People who used free TP away from home soon found the need to stock up even to the point of giving priority to obtaining the white paper over food!

But alas my safari paid off and I bagged a six pack of Angel Soft at Target. I will mount my trophy at an appropriate roller location in my bathroom for all to admire and reflect on my safari prowess and when we went crazy hoarding toilet paper.